Movie Review: Pinocchio 2022

*sigh* Hey everyone, my name is Anthony and welcome back to my movie review.

You know sometimes, you just can't keep the classic down for exploiting them into a live-action remake that, like always, nobody are asking for since the overrated remake of The Lion King. After all the stupidity to making billions dollars (Somehow...!!), they decided to making remakes, into Disney+, which is good, cause we don't wanna wasting our time and money by the un-requested remakes on the big screen, but rather, another time wasting from remakes into Disney+ that no one asked for. Including this review from Disney's second historic film from the past.

"Pinocchio" is a 2022 live-action remake that was written/produced/directed by Robert Zemeckis (WHAT?!), co-produced by Derek Hogue, Andrew Milano and Chris Weitz (the latter of which is also the writer)

Like i said, it seems that Disney really love doing a live-action remakes, after brought us the remakes of "Lady and the Tramp", and Mulan, it appears Disney are not done to keep announcing more remakes, one them that they picked out of hat is Pinocchio, which was Disney's 2nd animated film after Snow White since 1940, and yes, i remember seeing it as a kid that i though it was ok (Maybe il look back that either i like it more than before or maybe im not a fan of it), though there's not much interesting info that i could find, though one part that i noticed is the changing directors, the first person for the direction is Sam Mendes in discussion for the project, but stepped down, so they brought Paul King as a second director in the making of the movie, but by the beginning of 2019, he stepped down too for "Family Reasons", so they brought the third and final director in the final product is Robert Zemeckis for not only worked as a director, but also as a producer and the writer.

So, with all that said, is this really necessary for remaking a wooden puppet in Disney+?

Well, lets find out.

The Story

For a movie is going to have a same following story from the original (but no, its another review that im not gonna compare between the book and the movie, because hey, its Disney's idea back in the beginning of the 40's), but apparently, despite the story is the same, but the direction that really ruining the plot...!

The movie begins with a narration from our familiar sidekick in the movie , Jiminy Cricket (aside of questioning the wall-breaking for its "necessary"), where he wanders around in the village before he secretly entering Geppetto's workshop, where he sees the owner Geppetto  carving a wooden puppet based on his deceased son (which i will admit, its nice for his reason that we feel sorry for him at the story, but its only the beginning, my friends...!), which he later calling his puppet as "Pinocchio" as we know it. Upon the night, he sees a bright star what its called "Wish star" for his wish (except he just slump his mind in this movie), despite the slump for... Reasons, the magic granted to make Pinocchio comes to life from Blue Fairy in order to teach him to be brave, truthful and unselfish with Jiminy as main puppet's conscience in order to be a real boy, despite he's a puppet (Duh!), so its up to Pinocchio to going in a new life to be honest with Jiminy for Geppetto.

The story is nothing new, its same tale is all this time (no pun attended) that we're familiar for this movie. But unfortunately, this movie is ruining the story for both the writing and the direction. Though the movie is kinda got clever to give us what we wanted like Geppetto's carving a puppet for his late son, going to the school to acknowledging, chase from escaping from Pleasure Island and that's it. But what's the problem with this movie's story? Well, it feels like a rushed job that we just done with one moment that came from movie, but just skip in either fast-forward or snatched out of nowhere. For example for the latter, there's a scene that Pinocchio has escaped from the Stromboli's coach, but then BOOM! He swiped away from another coach to rushing up to Pleasure island to meet Coachman and Lampwick, like he just escaped from Stromboli for like a seconds but then we quickly going into Pleasure Island?? Jeez, this is the example that for some reason, wanting to skipping some moments, again, its a rushed job for the story. And don't even get me started with the characters showing up and vanished like nothing happened, but trust me, we'll get to the characters later.

As for the humor, i've never had an experience that they trying too hard to be funny, but most of the jokes they trying is just failing with cringing level with my mind is a blank what they "trying" to. Sure, there's some that i kinda had a chuckle, but if there's my favorite gag, is when Pinocchio got distracted by a poop, i was gladly seen this to quoting from Ian Malcom from Jurassic Park: That is one Big Pile of Shit.

If you wanna story telling of a wooden puppet like second time since 1940's version, give us a story following without doing a rushed up, as well with a bad humor attempt...!

The Presentation

I think it safe to say that the budget is gearing toward the film's presence, which is exactly what Robert Zemeckis came in for the visual what im aware.

For starter, the film is obviously done in studio, mainly in Cardington Film Studios on England for creating a small village on Italy, from ocean (but not in the ocean, just above the surface), the inside the coach from Stromboli (as well as outside) and the Pleasure Island. I find the background looked not bad, the village itself looks pretty nice to feel like in the original version, even if it it kinda focused on some hallway part. However, the Pleasure Island presentation is pretty over-the-top, especially with the boat ride scene from boating, to half Ferris Wheel, sliding down candies to showcase with kids like to mess everything.

Like i said, i know the effects is the focus from Zemeckis. However, i've nothing against Robert Zemeckis, he's a great filmmaker with Back to the Future and Who Framed Roger Rabbit (which i've already covered before since February of 2022), but the downside is ever since he's done with mocap animated film since The Polar Express, Monster House, Beowulf , A Christmas Carol and the GodAwful Mars Needs Moms with his own defunct animation studio version of "Image Movers", it seems he's rather wanting to showing off the work of CG. Yeah, i may like the CG, but its just that Zemeckis is too focus on digital visual to be "realistic" rather than story telling that we like to know. Visuals don't make a good movie, its the story development makes a good movie, which is the sign that fell apart that his latest film (except for some) didn't have the same charm as his classic films from 80's and 90's, and this movie is one of the kind that Zemeckis likes to gear towards visuals than story (Which is ironic that at the same year, Chip and Dale are make fun of mocap's effect)

With all that said, while i may appreciate the backgrounds, but when it comes to the effects and the designs, they're all over the place and they're pretty bad if they wanna remake this film, like it would've been ok if this could be done as a CG remake film than a "live-action" remake. For the effects, they're fine at first, but gotten weak (including Blue Fairy's wings that i can definitely tell it looks very bad that it makes "Once upon of Time" looks like an Emmy worthy show) with that it feels like something straight out of millennial film than a 2020's film. 

But don't even get me started with the CG character designs. Granted, it started ok for Pinocchio's look that yes, he has to be look familiar from the original version, but when they remaking the characters in a realistic look like Jiminy, Honest John and others, they look both ugly and horrible to executing, they're easily looking so bad that only Zemeckis can look at. Plus, the way when the actor playing those puppets are easily inaccurate to playing those wooden puppets, cause again, the CG is an obvious takeover. But don't even get me started on Monstro, unlike where he's an scarier dark sperm whale-like that makes Moby Dick having a nightmare, but there, not only he appeared as a monstrous whale, why not gives him some shark fin and a freakin' tentacles! So, why the hell not to make him looks like a Kaiju, along with unnecessary evil laugh...! Good god, how could you ruining this horrifying whale!?

Btw, did i forgot to mentioning out of all those coocoo clocks that Geppetto's created, how did he created all those clocks based on ANY Disney films, its pretty shameless way to showing off these clocks.

As for the songs, they're alright, while "When you wish upon a star" is a not bad cover, but the rest of those songs are average, they didn't have same charm as the original. Well, sure, they did gave us some new songs, but as far as i know, we didn't care pretty much about those new songs...!

While the presentation are ok, but its just the CG isn't just the focus of the budget, but Zemeckis's focus what he really liked to since his defunct animation studio.

The Characters

Now, you think the characters should be likable to have a similar depiction from the original vers-- Of course not...! Why did i ask for having some characters just didn't follow up from the original...!

Lets start off with Pinocchio himself (voiced by young Benjamin Evan Ainsworth), i find him to be passable, he's not are annoyingly bad or whatever, he's just remain the same as the original, though unlike the original that he's rather naive to get into trouble, he seems to be sorta acknowledging to realizing from conscience or perhaps aware, which i kinda like his change. Though he's easily passable, but sometimes he made me questioning his appearance, like how the heck he has super speed on his legs with feet scratching to make fire or even swimming faster? I mean come on, this is Dash's ability in The Incredibles, that's another shameless idea. Despite the flaws, i find the young British kid di a nice work of his role.

Next, we have Geppetto (played by Tom Hanks, aka Woody from Toy Story), as we all know, he's the creator of our main wooden puppet, though like i said before, he did this to his late son, which i gotta admit, its a nice development for why he did this. But too bad that it didn't last like that he's portrayed as instead of love and caring father figure, he's pretty much being an confused and possibly an idiotic old man. Like Zemeckis, i have no against Hank, he's a great actor that i know, but its just the way he was portrayed and written in this movie is just wrong and take away the heart of him.

And that we have Jiminy Cricket (voiced by Joseph Gordon-Levitt), who's Pinocchio's main sidekick to helping our main bow as his conscience. Though he remains the same, but rather than being memorable in the original, he's just coming off as either irritating or trying way too hard in order to be "Funny". Btw, i forgot to mention that yes, im aware that in the original concept, he was meant to be like a cricket, but completely changed to a small guy in a bug size with super jump like any crickets. But here, while they tried, but he looks like he's made of leaves and nearly creepy. Talk about annoyingly disrespecting one of the most memorable side character in Disney medias.

I wanna talk about few more, but they're not much else, but very badly. Even with new characters, they're not helping.

There's "Honest" John (voiced by Keegan-Michael Key) along with his pal Gideon who're nothing but failed very bad in order to be "intelligent" in order to be funny, like John being obnoxious with his Shakespearian accent, while Gideon is even more of an idiot than Geppetto, but not funny as well, but they disappeared in the rest of the movie after the first act, Blue Fairy (played by Cynthia Erivo) who's a wise fairy, but acts like if she's something straight out of self-aware fairytale movie (like say, Shrek or the embarrassingly "Happily Never After"), Stromboli (played by Giuseppe Battiston) who's a rich and selfish puppeteer who looks pretty uncomfortable for his acting (no disrespect for Battiston, but i think his acting role of puppeteer is pretty weak), The Coachman (played by Luke Evans) an overly charismatic owner of Pleasure Island that he looks like he's a pirate than a cursed theme park owner with his Cockney accent, Fabiana (played by young Kyanne Lamaya) who's a former ballet dancer turned puppeteer to helping Pinocchio for moral plot with her puppet Sabina (voiced by Jaquita Ta'le), and Sofia (voiced by Lorraine Bracco) a seagull with her cheap sassy stereotype.

While Pinocchio is an ok main character, but when it comes to the rest of the characters, they just come off as one-dimensional, annoying, unfunny and stupid, no disrespect of some of the actors, but they're not helping for this remake, even with some familiar names.

And now for my final opinion of this film.

Overall, the 2022 Pinocchio is easily the worst Disney's live action remake i've ever saw on Disney+. While it has some ok visuals, some change are fine and Pinocchio himself is passable, but everything else is a complete embarrassment, the direction of the story is a mess in a rush, the designs and some effects are either creepy and badly designed, the CG are all over the place based on Zemeckis's obsession (again, no offense for him, but no longer have the same magic back then) and the characters are forgettable for being idiot or annoying.

its no secret that this movie has no reason to be remade from Disney's 2nd animated film in history, the original one is a classic film that we all know and loved, especially with the signature song "When you wish upon a star", but here, this film feels like it came from monkey's paw than a wishful star, its horrible, its unnecessary and its a complete waste of time as a Disney+ subscriber...! Stay away from this remake, like, learn it from my mistake of my attempt to see "it" in curiosity, cause sometimes, curiosity kills our expectation...!

Im giving it a 3/10 and for the first time, this movie managed to be awarded what i call, the "Dumpster fire of Failure"!

So this ends of my movie review (Good god...!), if you guys have your opinion or any suggestions, let me know at comment bellow and support me on KO-FI.com/blackevil.

Thanks for reading, and im Anthony, signing out.